I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
