id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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