$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
