I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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