WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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