8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So many bounce houses so little time
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize