You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
