Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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