Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
