There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
