you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
