She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
