Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
