I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
