she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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