it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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