he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i've created a new STD.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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