so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
