don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
