Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize