I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
