I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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