would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
