i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
