hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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