I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
