I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
