she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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