Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
