This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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