i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
