Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
