Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You need Xanax blowdarts
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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