Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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