I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
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He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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