i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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