My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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