took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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