I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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