i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
