you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
