Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
