Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
