I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
