Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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