There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just found puke in my bra..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
