The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
