I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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