If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
