She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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