why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
