just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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