More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
