C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
one might say we're banned from that church
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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