i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
