i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
