I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
