finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
