Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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