He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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