I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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